The International Focusing Institute
“Compassionate Conversations”
I am deeply grateful to TIFI for creating a safe zoom platform entitled “Compassionate Conversations” where members could come together to connect at this painful time in our world. There were four time slots made available and I attended two sessions on Sunday 22nd and Monday 30th October. Each session was for one hour and was facilitated by Catherine Torpey (Executive Director, TIFI USA), Veronica Urioste (Board of TIFI), Flor Sassoli (FOT Coordinator, Argentina) and Laura Bavalics (Coordinator, ILC, Hungary).
The on-line introduction stated “we are connected and care deeply for people on both sides of the Gaza/Israeli border. Many of us feel the need to express our desire for justice and peace and the right to live without violence or the fear of violence. Many of us just need to express our grief and look for signs of hope, to be part of somehow finding a way to carrying life forward”. The invitation was “to listen with a heart of compassion and to be heard in the same way.”
Before I attended the first session on Sunday the 22nd October I had been closely following the deeply shocking news coverage of violence, hostage taking and the large scale loss of life. Like many others I was shocked and disturbed. I began to sense a somatic deregulation in my nervous system. I practiced some lone focusing which in time helped me to connect with the whole felt sense of it all. I was then able to rest into it, acknowledging and allowing it all to be just there. This brought some equanimity.
Following on from this experience I was drawn to the invitation from TIFI to join “Compassionate Conversations”. Catherine Torpey set the scene as outlined in the introduction above. We gathered in the large group first and the gentle lead-ins were facilitated by Laura and Flor. I then noticed a sense of spaciousness, groundedness and safety before we began interacting.
During my first session I did not feel able or ready to share in the large group. In the listening to others, including some gentle reflective feedback from the facilitator, I began to sense a connection and belonging within this sacred space. In the breakout room I then felt able and more at ease in expressing my sense of horror, rage and helplessness, while also acknowledging my own past history of conflict related trauma living in the north of Ireland. In this space with two other focusers listening I could sense myself shift into a changed state of being in some unexplainable way. Others shared their fears, confusion, tears, sense of despair and grief/loss. On reflection I can appreciate this has helped me to process the whole impact of this experience on my life now and in the past, like one step in a process towards healing and change. I have taken some practical positive action steps in the days following this invaluable experience.
At my second session I was able to share in the large group and the group listening felt powerful. I experienced the emergence of two words “holy hope”. While these were familiar words to me I could sense direct referent freshness in it all, with the stirring of a life forward movement. Others felt the words resonate for them too which seemed to further strengthen our sense of connection and belonging with some beginnings of hope.
I conclude with a quote from “Walking in Wonder” John O’Donahue which reminds me of one of Gendlin’s famous quotes “What is split off and not felt remains the same….”:
“When things stay separate and isolated they stiffen into the act of surviving, whereas when they have a conversation with each other they begin to live as the artists of their own destiny” John O’Donahue
Marie McGuigan
November 2023
