by Caroline Moore

It was wonderful to have an opportunity to hear from René and Harriet again. I am always amazed by the deep sense of presence they both bring to their hostings, and how this always deepens my awareness of that moment and as a result, my connection with my Felt Sense. I am writing this seven weeks later, no notes, so I will stick to my abiding memories and Felt Sense of the session, which are strong still!

René and Harriet both showed videos of them working with children, and it was clear that both young people had been on a journey and come a long way in their ability to connect with Harriet/ René, but more importantly, themselves and their Felt Senses.

As I watched René’s videos, initially it seemed like nothing was really happening, and I wondered why René had chosen that particular snippet of their interactions. I felt I was missing the point - until I had my first ‘A-HA’ moment.

It was the subtlety of fully entering the child’s world and how it was for them. By fully embracing the child’s need to run/ dance/ move and joining in, while having no idea why or what was going on, the child felt deeply heard and acknowledged. It was both a process and a trust that had been building over time - René himself said he had no idea what was happening in the moment, but he was trusting in the child’s innate connection with their felt sense. It unfolded that this was a child who had been quite repressed and this was a ‘coming alive’ they were expressing and sharing, for which René was holding space and entering into - a landmark shift in this child’s way of relating!

René acknowledged his own felt sense of confusion and uncertainty with what was happening, then turned his attention to being present and listening/ reflecting for the child. He calls this ‘Listening in 3 Directions’ - which I understand as paying attention to his felt sense, the other has their felt sense, and he is also resonating with their felt sense. The level of holding and safety this brought was clearly felt by the child in their trust and freedom of expression.

I was struck by a couple of statements in particular which René made

• Having an unconditionally empathic attitude,
  
  
• How children can move in and out of felt sensing much more easily/ fluidly/ quickly than adults, and that we need to be aware of this so we do not limit this with adult expectations.
  
  
• He talked about how we can encourage felt sense connection through our language - how we reflect their words & what we draw attention to (like noticing and drawing attention to a thick line/ a dominant colour, but not putting meaning on it - opening it to the child to expand), and never asking ‘Why?’
  
  
• He stressed the importance of non-verbal communication - noticing and reflecting actions/ movements/ gestures/ tone of voice/ distance… Through verbal and non-verbal communication, our reflecting can make the Felt Sense explicit and deepen the child’s Felt Sense connection.
  
  

These themes were further deepened in Harriet’s video. Probably the thing that resonated most for me, was listening to Harriet talk about her earlier work with this child. She explained how he had created a lot of art with her and at the end of each session, he would ball it all up and throw that day’s work in the bin. Everything in me screamed ‘Nooooo!’ and I was amazed by her level of acceptance - ‘Ah, and something in you wants to put that in the bin’. I am still processing my reaction, and it has left an unsettling something in me - making me question so much of my work as a teacher - the implicit judgement in preventing the binning of work, the assumptions that there was anger/ dissatisfaction/ shame leading to him binning things - I realise these are all my projections and my assumptions of a need to protect him from himself! And there is more…

When we watched the video, I was struck by how this boy had reached a point of wanting to show and share his work with others - through the power of having that shared creative experience with Harriet through which he learned to negotiate/ discuss/ come to common agreements by connecting with their felt senses on the right next moves. (Again I am aware of my judgment of this as ‘good’!) And I could see how he transferred that holding of space and these learnings, to wanting to bring others into his experience. But it was only possible because he was allowed to fully express himself in that initial ‘binning’ process, and through Harriet’s acceptance of that was how it was for him at that time.

I came away from this workshop amazed anew by the subtlety and depth of the focusing process, particularly when used with children. I am left with much to ponder, which is still percolating 7 weeks later and challenging me to be a more accepting, more present teacher, but also to see the growth that can come from being less controlling and more trusting of the process. Thank you René and Harriet - a wonderfully rich experience as always!