Exploring Inner Relationship Focusing
There is a great diversity of approaches within the worlds of Focusing, but most would agree with Gendlin’s description “Focusing is this very deliberate thing where an ‘I’ is attending to an ‘it’” (Gendlin, 1990, p222). This definition is very apt in Inner Relationship Focusing (IRF) in which the concept of disidentifying from partial selves is key.
IRF was created by Ann Weiser Cornell and Barbara McGavin in the early 1990s. It was born out of both women noticing that some of Gendlin’s suggestions were not facilitative for certain people, and they wanted to find ways to reach those people. Gendlin approved of their work.
In my view, there are some elements that distinguish it from Gendlin’s six steps approach. These are Self-in-Presence, Presence Langage, and Not Clearing a Space.
Self in Presence: When inviting ourselves to get a feel for a whole situation, it is very easy to feel overwhelmed by the emotions that may come in response. Ann and Barbara wished to help people find ways to stay calm and centered no matter what came. They coined the term Self in Presence to “name the state of awareness where a person is able to be present with all kinds of emotional and reactive experiences without being caught up in them.” (Weiser Cornell, 2013, pxxxiii).
By helping you cultivate Self-in-Presence, ‘you’ begin to relate to an ‘it’. You could say it's the difference between being a failure and having a part that feels like a failure. Resourcing, relating and recognising are three ways to help cultivate Self-in-Presence.
Presence Language: Training to be an Inner Relationship Focusing practitioner requires being very attentive to language. Phrases such as “I’m sensing something in me feeling…” are key to Inner Relationship Focusing as they help people to stay in touch with what is here, but from the bigger “I” that is being with the “it”.
As part of this emphasis on language, Ann greatly encourages professionals to avoid using questions. Questions narrow down choice for clients and engage the thinking brain. Consider the difference between these three examples:
1.Question: What does that tightness want you to know?
2.Empathic suggestion: You might sense that tightness and sense what it wants you to know.
3.Empathic suggestion: You might sense that tightness and sense how it feels from its point of view.
Can you feel the difference between these sentences? If a Focuser is asked the first question, their brain may start thinking in ways which might bypass sensing into the direct experience of the tightness. The second suggestion avoids that and is more open and facilitative. The third suggestion goes even more into the experience of the tightness, so that the bigger ‘you’ can be truly empathetic to ‘it’.
Inner Relationship Focusing offers many linguistically precise suggestions for Focusers suitable for specific stages of their process. A precise prompt offered in the right way, at the right time, can be hugely helpful to create that sense of the bigger “I” that can be with the “it”.
Not Clearing a Space:
Unlike the traditional Focusing approach, IRF doesn't insist on meticulously "clearing a space" to address each internal obstacle before delving into the main issue. This allows for quicker access to the core focus. If needed, IRF suggests a quicker version which people can use (acknowledging and saying ‘hello’ to each part).
Why choose Inner Relationship Focusing?
I’ve found Inner Relationship Focusing immensely helpful due to the ways in which it offers precise prompts to help your process move forward when stuck. It is also designed to help newbies experience Focusing in just one session. It is incredibly gentle, and yet can help you dig very deep also.
by Fiona O'Meara
